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Powerful Persuasion

Author(s):

Julie Melillo
Julie Melillo is a certified life coach and owner of Julie Melillo Life Coaching in New York.

September 2012, Inside Supply Management^® Vol. 23, No. 7, page 34

Personal Connections: Work. Life. Balance.
Use an empathy introduction to build a bridge for arguments that resonate and help you effectively achieve your goals.

Persuasion is an important life skill, and for the senior executive, it is even more vital. Though it can have a negative connotation if taken too far into what would be considered manipulative territory, there is nothing inherently wrong with persuasion — it allows others to get on board with your ideas and understand your perspective, and also helps you accomplish your business goals faster.

Most leaders are adept at the basics of persuasion and understand the importance of logical and emotional appeals. However, regardless of the strength of a leader's argument, a lack of connection to one's listener can lead to failure.

Poorly executed attempts at persuasion can come across as manipulation, leading others to feel used, and result in more resistance to achieving your goals. Of course, threats, pressure, dominance, bias and so on are not effective means of persuasion. These behaviors are overly forceful, so it is important to practice persuasive skills that don't result in such actions.

Relaxed, Gentle and in Charge

The most powerful person in a board room often speaks the least. These people do not take a confrontational or forceful approach, but rather they are persuasive in a gentle, relaxed way, which is the most effective way to communicate with most people. The way to accomplish this is through empathy. Use empathy first, and you'll find your persuasive arguments — whether you are using logic, emotion or both — will reach your listener with more power or influence.

Fully stepping into another's shoes is very challenging. Honing your empathy creates an ability to understand what matters to other people. Simply understanding this allows you to build a bridge to anyone, creating a fast connection that enables you to achieve your goals faster.

First ask yourself, "What does this person want? What is their pain point? How can I help them?" Approaching a person from this perspective helps you find win-wins, and it creates an instant feeling of rapport.

1. Start conversations with questions that help you understand pain points. "How are things going in your department lately?" or "Are there any frustrations with the new technology?"
   
   
2. Once you've identified any problems, state the facts of the problem situation. People like to feel heard and understood, yet most listeners jump past the pain points into solutions. Instead, simply state the facts: "So the budget is being stretched too far," or "Half your team is very upset about the change."
   
   
3. Finally, use empathy to validate any concerns. Simply focusing on the problem for a moment allows your conversation partner to feel understood. "I imagine this is very frustrating, right?" or "This must be very (insert emotion you imagine he or she feels here)."

Once you've built this bridge using empathy, the other person will often become more receptive to your plan of action. The opposite effect also works: If you avoid empathy, by dismissing or not validating concerns, other people will oppose you — surprisingly, even if your ideas are great and your plan benefits them.

The persuasive techniques you're already using will be most effective when accompanied by an empathetic introduction. As a plus, this approach can build your credibility and allow others to see you as a strong leader, full of integrity.

For more information, send an e-mail to author@ism.ws.

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